I am...

...a selfish bitch that never does anything for anyone but only expects people to do me favours.

Apparently.

Thanks for the reminder.

99

99:00:00

...and counting.

My apartment is still a mess, there are boxes and presents and flowers and things everywhere. There is dust under the desk, under the sofa, under the fridge, under the washing machine. There is dirt in the bathroom, toilet, entrance. There are still posters and pictures on the wall, unwanted manga on the shelf, junk in the cupboard...

Then there are parties to attend, BBQs to roast, drinks to be drunk, yakiniku to be grilled, sushi to be devoured, presents to be exchanged, tears to be shed...

IS IT REALLY POSSIBLE THAT I'M MOVING OUT OF ALL OF THIS IN 99 HOURS??!

OMG

Two weeks left in Japan!!!

It has definitely been too fast.

I want to stay.

I want to influence these kids more.

I want to see my church rebuild and reconnect to the community and revive this city.

But I also don't want to stay.

I don't want to feel like I should be doing much more for what I am paid.

I don't want to risk getting sick and tired of this place before I leave.

I don't want to keep doing something that's not really related to the career path I'm thinking of having.

I don't want to be stuck out here in the sticks without a drivers' license and have my mobility depend on other people.

I'm in a big bundle of emotional contradictions...