I am...

...a selfish bitch that never does anything for anyone but only expects people to do me favours.

Apparently.

Thanks for the reminder.

99

99:00:00

...and counting.

My apartment is still a mess, there are boxes and presents and flowers and things everywhere. There is dust under the desk, under the sofa, under the fridge, under the washing machine. There is dirt in the bathroom, toilet, entrance. There are still posters and pictures on the wall, unwanted manga on the shelf, junk in the cupboard...

Then there are parties to attend, BBQs to roast, drinks to be drunk, yakiniku to be grilled, sushi to be devoured, presents to be exchanged, tears to be shed...

IS IT REALLY POSSIBLE THAT I'M MOVING OUT OF ALL OF THIS IN 99 HOURS??!

OMG

Two weeks left in Japan!!!

It has definitely been too fast.

I want to stay.

I want to influence these kids more.

I want to see my church rebuild and reconnect to the community and revive this city.

But I also don't want to stay.

I don't want to feel like I should be doing much more for what I am paid.

I don't want to risk getting sick and tired of this place before I leave.

I don't want to keep doing something that's not really related to the career path I'm thinking of having.

I don't want to be stuck out here in the sticks without a drivers' license and have my mobility depend on other people.

I'm in a big bundle of emotional contradictions...

RANT

Last week was crap.

Or perhaps it just does because I am. And I'm an idiot.

All started on Monday the 21st. I get to the bike shed to find my bike missing from its usual spot. For 2 seconds I thought that it was stolen. And then I retraced my thought to the previous few days...and it dawned on me that I had left it at the bus stop on Friday afternoon when we had to go to the Board Of Ed that day. FREAKIN. So I had to speed-walk to the bus stop to get it because I had first period. And it also had to be the most humid day of the year so far, so I was literally drowning in my own sweat and self-reproach. So I finally get on my bike and bike to school, only to have a bug fly into my face and get stuck on the one-inch mixture of sweat and make-up. Eghh.

I got to school just on time. I was still sweating my eyeballs out. Ms Shoji was...being herself and 'dying' of the heat. I seriously think she needs to move out of Japan to somewhere more moderate. Anyway, we had to start the 1st period - with the special needs kids. Great. Ms Shoji and I had absolutely no plan at all. So we just went in and wing-ed it. They weren't too hard to satisfy though, fortunately.

All day I had been looking forward to our apartment-JETs-dinner-gathering at the Indian restaurant down by the waterfront. The thought of having naan and curry and mango lassi kept me alive through the 4 periods I had. Evening came and we all biked down in eager anticipation - only to find it SHUT and SHUT FOREVER. FML. The irony was they shut the day before, because there were 'no customers'. So we had to settle for Italian.

Tuesday the 22nd, which was exactly 24 years after I was born. We (the non-recontracting JETs) had to pay a visit to the Superintendent, the top BOE staff and the city mayor. We got introduced three times, said thanks/polite stuff three times, bowed many more times, and a crappy 'souvenir' from the city government. It was probably the hottest day of the year so far and we had to be in suits. Yuck.

Then I remembered someone once told me that on your birthday you can get a free scoop of ice cream at Baskin Robbins. So we made our way eagerly to Baskin Robbins in the hopes of a free scoop of SWEETNESS and COOLNESS in the sweltering heat. But when we got there, I was told you had to register onto their keitai (cellphone) internet site as a member which takes time and then it will take more time to get that birthday coupon. WHAT. What a STUPID idea. And so none of us got ice cream at the end. BR just shot themselves in the foot.

The day improved as I met a few friends for sushi for dinner (although one girl wasn't very happy either since she just lost her wallet and a whole load of money). Raw fish - always the best cure for crappy times. We then proceeded to Bar Quartet - the coolest most tasteful bar (and smallest) bar I've been to ever. We had vanilla chai and wonderful cheesecake (with candle, b'day song and all! Thank you Kotaro!) and lovely company.

Wednesday 23rd - I wasn't really looking forward to the kindergarten visit in the morning. And I was proved correct. It was another mucky wet sticky day, and I had to entertain 25 kids for 2 hours. Kids don't understand the concept of foreigner. So they just kept talking and talking and talking to me like I understood what they were ranting on about. I got about 60%. They also kept dragging me around and hitting me and hugging me and pulling my shirt. We then sang 'Head shoulders knees and toes 8 times', played 'what time is it Mr Wolf' and did some other stuff. By the end I had lost half of my voice. The taxi that was supposed to pick me up from the kindergarten at 10:30 didn't come. The kindy had to call for one again I had to wait at the entrance in the wind and (almost) rain til 11.

I also got an email from a friend who meant good when she was giving me advice on something but I interpreted it wrong (and I was feeling grumpy already) and got even more grumpy.

Thursday 24th - all the germs that the kids gave me yesterday were defeating me. My voice was half gone, my nose was spraying, my head was throbbing. I endured the day but was grumpy and looked like hell. I also had digestive issues...ugh.

Friday 25th - The week finally gets better - because I took today off from work. I slept, watched TV, got groceries, read some more of the book about the fall of modern Japan, and in the afternoon went into town, got dressed in a Kimono and went to the JETs farewell party thrown by the Board of Ed. I took many pics, and drank a moderate amount of alcohol and spoke to many people. Silver-lining!

Goodbye. Speech.

Principal, Vice Principal, teachers and students,

I can’t believe it, but I’ve been in Japan for almost 2 years, and in no time I’ll have to leave. Words cannot describe enough how wonderful an experience the last 2 years were. It’s something I can never forget. And I’m really glad that I was able to come to Ena Junior High School. From the beginning I’ve felt welcome, and I have enjoyed every visit to Ena.

Before I came to Japan, I thought I knew much about Japan already – sushi, manga, anime, salaryman, bowing again and again…but there was so much that I didn’t know. Experiencing ‘real’ life and traditions, sharing in your joys and pains, learning Japanese culture like Oyaji-gags…are irreplaceable experiences.

I’m not here to tell you to “DO YOUR BEST”, nor to tell you to “STUDY HARD”, but I simply want to quote a song I heard once in Japan.

きみは愛されるため生まれた (you were born to be loved)
きみの生涯は愛で満ちている (your life is filled with love)
永遠の神の愛は われらの出会いの中で実を結ぶ (God's eternal love is shown through our relationships)
きみの存在が 私にはどれほど大きな喜びでしょう (your presence gives me such a great joy)

I really felt your love for me. I’m grateful that you have treated me so well, just like family.

I want you to know that everyone is born to be loved, and hope that you will show other people the same love that you have shown me. You are always loved – by your family, by your teachers, by your friends, and by God in heaven.

I love Japanese people, I love Japanese culture and language. I want to keep studying Japanese, and hopefully I can make some Japanese friends when I go back.

I hope we can meet again some day in the future. I wish you a life filled with love and purpose.

Thank you.

Mah Crib

...or my £150 per month apartment, aka home/comfort zone/shelter/refuge for the last two years.

For those who didn't have the PRIVILEGE (or guts..) to come visit me here in Japan/Iwaki, I thought I'd show you all what you're missing out :P

First of all, my living room
(which is also used as the guest room when people DO visit...if people do visit....>_<)

Please excuse the mess.


Next, my kitchen. My typical Japanese tiny lack-of-counter-space and unreachable cupboards kitchen.

It's usually tidier than shown above...



Next, washroom.

This is where the magic happens. The magic that happens every morning where I transform from groggy messy sleepy pasty looking off-white girl to a less messy less sleepy less pasty wider-eyed looking off-white girl.

And last but not least, my 3rd favorite place in the apartment (after my bed and the shower)
- yes, the loo.

But it ain't no ORDINARY loo, if you look closer...or at the photo below...

Yes, it comes with buttons.
Buttons that will wash your..um..yeah.
As well as for girls, the..um...yup.
And buttons that adjust the temperature of the toilet seat
(warm toilet seat = BIG win in the winter )
as well as the temperature of the water that washes you.
And of course a 'save energy' button.


My bedroom is not very interesting. So no I'm not showing you my bedroom. Live with it.

So there you go!

What I will Miss. Or not. [School chapter]

It's quite random, but here it goes:

I will miss kids screaming "SAMANSA!!" or "HALLO!!" down the corridor when they see me.


And maybe even the them yelling "Suzanne!" (name of some idiot TV personality) by the 9th graders.


I will miss bumping into my former-students in downtown Iwaki and seeing their shocked look and their "OH! It's Samansa!".


I will miss kids writing "I love Samansa!" on little coloured paper for me.


I will miss kids yelling "I LOVE YOU!" to me in the corridor or in the mall downtown.


I will miss the kids' laughter in class after I've said something funny.


I won't miss the "I don't wanna be here" looks on most 9th graders face during a pre-lunch or an after-lunch English lesson.


I will miss certain competent English teachers who really know how to use me and engage the students.


I won't miss certain English teachers' bizarre/useless teaching methods which completely make me redundant in class.


I will miss staring out into the sparkling blue sea when the summer heat makes one day-dream every 4 minutes.


I won't miss the cold under-heated classrooms in the long freezing winter.



I will miss the funky poses and peace signs that automatically appear whenever I point a camera at the kids.


I will miss turning up to school on a Sunday and frightening the teachers (who are there to supervise sports activities) for going to school on a Sunday and then chatting to them for ages.


I will not miss going to Palace Iwaya for enkais. (3 times a year every year! Same place, same food, same overly-serious atmostphere...give me a break)


I will miss the Ena Junior High Principal teaching me Iwaki-accents/expressions.


I will miss the Ena teachers making fun of Mr Fujita for his 'cold' oyaji-gags.


I will miss the bland expression on the kids faces at Mr Fujita's feeble attempt at making a joke.